Would you do karaoke with your co-workers? Salsa dancing? Shots? Work social events trigger the full range of emotional reactions. Fun, fear, gratitude, revulsion. There’s a reason the TV show The Office has a 10-minute highlight reel of office party humor (The Best of the Christmas Parties – The Office.) Remember, truth is stranger than fiction.
As a Jesus Follower, some work events can put you in an awkward position. Not the ropes course off-site or the trust fall in the conference room. I’m talking about drinks after dinner at the tradeshow in Vegas. The Holiday party without significant others. The management off-site in Miami. Events where people put vices on an expense report.
What’s a Jesus Follower to do? Sometimes it’s a clear, easy “no thanks.” But often, these social minefields of professional life raise tricky questions. Is it “judgey” not to attend? What will people think if you go, but limit your participation? Can you leave if it turns out to be something you didn’t expect?
In this edition, I think out loud about two aspects of this challenge. First, what might people actually think about your behavior vs. what you hope they think? Second, I want to toss out some strategies for dicey work social events based on my experience.
Journey On,
~Mark
Mark King
Mark@BruisedCamels.com | LinkedIn
Jesus | Workplace Witness
Is Your Light Really Shining?
When you were in 3rd grade singing “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine…,” I’m guessing you weren’t thinking about shining it at a tradeshow afterparty. But here you are, a Jesus Follower in corporate America. Do colleagues see your light shining at work social events? Should you even be there in the first place?
Let’s start with “should you even be there?” Pretty much yes. Peter got specific in 1 Peter 2:12, “Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.” If we’re not among our colleagues in social settings, it’s harder for them to see out good deeds.
Of course, there are times and places you should opt out. They’re generally easy to spot. You don’t need to attend every event either. But don’t opt out entirely from the social life of your team or company. Formal and informal social interaction with colleagues is at the heart of your mission in the workplace. Please don’t use moral standards as an excuse to avoid uncomfortable people and situations. You should go.
But…don’t expect much. You’re unlikely to see a revival breakout, and here’s why. People think about themselves, not you. The introverts hide. The Frat Bros complain about the quality of the bourbon. The go-getter, ladder climbers monopolize the CEO’s time. The intern secretly videos the whole thing for TikTok. They’ll barely notice you not drinking, smoking, vaping, flirting, gambling, gossiping, or whatever you’re abstaining from.
And if they do notice, their assumptions will be driven by culture, not your intentions. Personal confession time. When I observe someone not drinking at a company or business event, I assume they are likely one of the following (in order of probability): 1) a recovering alcoholic, 2) someone on medication that does nasty things if you mix it with alcohol, 3) a vegan who won’t poison their body, or 4) a Morman, a Muslim, or an Evangelical. Not engaging in vices is no longer just for the faithful. It worked for Daniel in Babylon. But today, lots of people abstain for lots of reasons. It’s getting harder to stand out as a Jesus Follower just by behaving yourself at work events.
Standing out as a Jesus Follower requires structural integrity. All the pieces must fit together. Behaving at happy hour won’t matter if you’re rude to junior staff. Your compassion towards a struggling colleague doesn’t offset getting hammered with clients at the golf outing.
Jesus and Peter meant living your whole life in a way that points to God. Your behavior at work events can be an important part of your witness. But not the only part.
Jesus | Workplace Witness
Four Tactics for Thriving at Work Events
Over the years I’ve tried and observed many strategies for avoiding trouble at work events. Here are four of my favorites.
- Don’t lie but have some reasons to excuse yourself or not to participate in your pocket. “You go. I’ve got an early meeting/flight/workout and need to hit the hay.” An HR executive I worked with always left early to put her kids to bed, even when they were in high school. Pre-announcing that you must leave early works wonders.
- Build connections with like-minded non-partiers. As I mentioned above, lots of people prefer not to overdo it. Connect with people in recovery, introverts, people of other faiths, vegan triathletes. They may be the reason God put you there. You can also conspire with them to leave early. Practice your leadership skills and organize the first Uber back to the hotel.
- Just say it. It’s much less of a big deal these days. The era of Mad Men and the three-martini lunch are long gone. Unless your colleagues have been living under a rock, they’ve had DEI and harassment training and know they can’t give you a hard time.
- Go on the offensive. Join the social committee and steer things away from expense account debauchery. Take the bull by the horns and organize alternatives. My personal favorite was organizing a “Dive of the Month Club” (an idea I stole from somewhere.) We went to greasy spoons for lunch instead of a happy hour. Same social objective without the hangover.
