For many of us, it’s annual review time at work. Please…keep the cheering to a minimum. You may have escaped annual reviews via self-employment. However, all of us must give feedback to someone. Employees, customers, vendors, etc. Whether positive or negative, formal or informal, giving feedback challenges most of us, most of the time.
Which is frustrating. We intuitively know quality feedback builds strong relationships, culture, and performance. Gallup’s data confirms our intuition. (2022 State of the Workplace Report and 5 Gallup Articles on employee feedback).
So how should Bruised Camels give feedback? That question (and some Easter preparation) is what this edition is about. And if you want to practice, you can send me feedback on the newsletter at Mark@BruisedCamels.com.
Journey On,
~Mark
Mark King
Mark@BruisedCamels.com | LinkedIn
Business | Leadership
Speak Feedback In Love
“Speak the truth in love” from Ephesians 4 is often quoted as the Christian approach to delivering tough messages. Paul was teaching the Ephesians how to foster a healthy culture in the Church body. His command was not a new, post-Jesus idea. Old Testament prophets delivered countless reminders about being truthful, but fairly and directly. When the post-exilic Jews were rebuilding their culture, God’s message via Zechariah was “These are the things you are to do: “Speak the truth to each other and render true and sound judgments in your courts” Zechariah 8:16.
In the Ephesian context, Paul is teaching about how the Church, not a business, should work. Zechariah had specific instructions at a specific time for God’s chosen people. Even so, these commands feel relevant to today’s diverse, inclusive business environment. But are they?
Yes. In fact, speaking the truth in love has so much relevance that business author Kim Scott built her entire business on a secularized version of the principle. Radical Candor, Scott’s book and company, teaches two core principles for leadership and business success: care personally and challenge directly, i.e. love and be truthful. From all appearances, Scott’s built a booming business due to the demand for and success of the radical candor philosophy.
So how can you operationalize speaking the truth in love? You can always hire Kim Scott or another firm for some training. But for you DIYer’s, I’ve got a starting point and some resources.
First, put some boundaries around truth. Not everything needs to be said just because it’s true. Truthful does not mean unfiltered or off-the-cuff. We must filter and organize our feedback without compromising factual truth. Jennifer Porter wrote a great piece for HBR, How to Give Feedback People Can Actually Use. It’s more about what to say than how to say it. She suggests using eight criteria to filter praise and critique in a work context. Ask yourself, is this feedback…
- Big picture focused
- Organizationally aligned
- Behavioral and specific
- Factual, not interpretive
- Both positive and negative
- Focused on patterns
- Linked to impact
- Prioritized
These criteria should shape your praise as much as your critiques. Humans tend to communicate affirmation less carefully. But positive feedback that fails the other criteria creates confusion and unintended consequences. For example, studies have shown women receive “nicer” feedback than men (Inc. Magazine June 2020). It’s counterproductive and limits women’s growth and success. Less candid praise is not speaking the truth, and it’s not loving.
Second, structure your delivery. Drive-by feedback leaves people bewildered, and often angry. I still remember a particularly random piece of feedback I received over 30 years ago. (Yes…I’ve forgiven. Forgetting is tougher.)
My company recently brought in LifeLabs Learning for a feedback skills workshop. They provided a framework for the flow of giving feedback. First, ask a question that solicits a micro-yes. This signals your intention and gets buy-in for the process. Next, describe the behavior. This keeps the focus on the actions, not the person. Then explain the impact of the behavior. Why does it matter? Who’s affected? Conclude with questions that confirm understanding and next action steps. LifeLabs offers a one page Google doc that summarizes this and provides examples. It’s a great quick review before a feedback conversation.
Third, use fair weights and measures. The Old Testament prophets resoundingly condemned cheating people with unfair weights and measures. If you don’t have clear metrics, you can’t provide clear feedback. You can’t move the proverbial goal posts. I’m going to punt on going deeper on goals and performance metrics. For now, ask yourself if your team knows how you keep score.
We often talk about our actions at work pointing people to Jesus. Providing quality feedback in a loving way has massive potential to do that. You need to invest in improving your feedback. It will pay huge business and spiritual dividends.
Jesus | Prayer & Reflection
Not Ready For Easter?
Lent is around the corner. Ash Wednesday is February 22nd this year. Instead of giving up alcohol or coffee for Lent, why don’t you give up your comfortable devotional routine and try something new.
Thanks to Bruised Camel Dr. Becky King Cerling, Executive Director of USC’s Institute for Advanced Catholic Studies, for suggesting these Lenten resources.
Irish Jesuits create a daily, online Sacred Space. Spend a few moments in prayer and meditation, lectio divina, at your desk or on your phone.
The Visual Commentary on Scripture and Artway provide sources for “visio divina,” the visual counterpart to lectio divina. You might start with this Ash Wednesday reflection on “Cross,” a sculpture by Madeleine Dietz. Or with this stunning pieta and other sculptures by African American sculptor, Wayman Scott.
“The Word in the Wilderness,” provides a poem for each day of Lent and Easter. Anglican priest and poet, Malcolm Guite compiles the poems to encourage slowing down and contemplating the meaning of Lent and Easter.
Kitchen Drawer | Need Your Help
Fellowship Groups
Bruised Camel Stephen Fraser reminded me that I missed New Canaan Society on my list of Christian business groups. I’m still on the hunt. Here’s my list so far:
- CRU LeaderImpact
- Faith Driven Entrepreneur
- Chicago Fellowship
- Barnabas Group
- New Canaan Society
Who else am I missing?
